I lean up against your dad behind me, his arms around me and we’re swaying in the kitchen while holding you in our arms. Rain On Me by Lady Gaga playing on the speaker - our first kitchen dance party. My aching healing body, my still very swollen legs/feet, a cluttered house and mine and your matching squishy bellies.

I once heard of a boy that would sit on rooftops and watch the day end in its colors. He would watch and dream that at the end of his life, he would be remembered like a once in a lifetime sunset. A sunset that was so beautiful and impactful that it burned into the memory of whoever was fortunate enough to witness it. Even if it could not be incapsulated in a photo, seen by the masses... even if it burned out fast. He wanted to impact people's lives like that - no matter how long it was for. I stand before you today to let you know that I have been one of the fortunate souls to witness your sunset. It has burned into my mind in the form of small moments that will flash in front of my eyes when taking my last breaths. I may not be able to capture them all in a photo, but they hold the most beautiful colors in my mind over all other pictures.

Dark ash colored horses

1. Pay a little more attention to the speed limit towards the end of every month.

Darling... it is a risk to love. Especially after so many shatters to our hearts.

Throughout my writings I talk about the goal of becoming whole on my own. It’s been a topic of fear and also obsession I can admit. I think things that breed obsession in your mind can be revealing and tell you a lot, that is if you’re willing to listen. It can tell you where there has been pain and trauma in your life. It can tell you what the world has convinced you of, what you have convinced yourself of. The thing about obsessions such as this, is that there are usually no backings or evidence to support the thoughts in the first place. It is just the anxious mind running rampant and enough repetition of the thought can make it become reality for you.

Tampering with time.

Sometimes people come into your life at the weirdest times, I’d be lying if I were to say that isn’t a contributor to what makes you so close sometimes though. Tanea is one of those people for me, I often thank her for becoming my friend when she did because I was kind of a wreck and she had to deal with me crying on the reg. But that’s the thing, she never has once shamed me or made me feel less for my journey. She has done nothing but encourage me and tell me she’s proud of me. She has been a constant light in my life since I met her, so once we were forming this friendship I quickly came to the realization that I would try and do right by her to the best of my abilities.

This is one of those philosophical posts. I have thought about this idea for some time now and I love talking about it because it seems to resonate with the majority of people that I share the theory with.

Average at best.